The natural self

I'm trying to even think about going natural. Going grey, looking natural. Not fake. No makeup. the natural makeup look. Comfortable in and out. Not trying to look young, not giving up and looking old. This is what women think about, you know. Trying to think it is harder than you think. Trying to even imagine yourself *as* your self. When are you yourself? When have you been natural? Sure, as a child, but after that. When? How did it look when you were natural? When you were naturally yourself? Did you even notice it? If you noticed it, were you feeling, in that moment, natural, feeling like yourself, feeling good about yourself as you were noticing that?  How do you capture that feeling without breaking the spell? Is being yourself an art form? The artifice of natural feelings. The art of selving the self. The creative self is really just the self unmoored. The self, shelved.