Bad writing

Working on my spontaneity. Working on my mental flow. Catching thoughts as they come and go. This is not stream of consciousness writing. I'm just opening a valve. Listening to German band, Oval 1995 album. I steady state might help me get past extreme self-consciousness. Remove the blocks of judgments in my head that hold me down. why not try? Why not let something flow out previously unbidden? I can try to connect to the dialogic thoughts I'm able to produce but only when I'm talking to another. The difference is coherent, correct sentences. I don't think on my own, I guess. I don't think in a writer-friendly fashion. My thinking doesn't translate well into writing. The ideas don't compute as well, as quickly, as coherently. This is just practice. I bet when (if) I show this to Chris he'll start writing a blog. Or at least want to. I don't want to compete or feel competitive with anyone. That's what I'm trying to get past right here and now - my own feelings of comparison are working against me. Have always. Comparison is the thief of joy. I'm not even trying to be original right now.

I'm worried about my memory. My memories. I know I have forgotten way more than I can remember. I suppose that's normal but it's depressing.

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